End of Year Drama – Family

They say when it rains it pours. Lately my life has been showcasing one drama episode after another. It’s like I’m going thru a Nikki drama marathon…or a drama end of the year event…or a drama free for a all. Shyt!

First, my sister and I got into a huge fight…name calling, cussing, threatening , bordering on physical and all that. My mother actually started it by telling my some stuff because she felt my sister wasn’t doing a good babysitting job. I’m not going to get into the full details but yeah…she was definitely being a bad babysitter to Daniel. Needless to say I was very surprised and deeply hurt by her actions but I’m a mother and the welfare of my child comes before anything and everyone. I tried to avoid the argument but she pushed for it and got what she got. My mom said she called my other sister crying over things I said to her during the fight but she said some nasty things to me also so I feel we’re even. Oddly enough she later txt me and apologize for letting things get so out of hand. I have yet to answer or speak to her. here’s the things with this…My sister is holding resentment towards me for things that happened during childhood. That’s what came out during the fight. That is no reason for you to mistreat my child. Get therapy and handle your issues or just let it go cause I’m not going to deal with past bullshit. Anyway, she SO out of both our lives.

 

 

Second, my cousin has recently become famous and news worthy but not in a good way. Seems bad company has been his downfall. I could not believe it when my uncle called to say he was first arrested. I became more and more amazed and the story became headline news and his charges when to attempted murder. He’s only 15 years old! I can’t connect this person who “attempted murder” with the person I know who just a few days before was hanging out with my family and playn with my son. I saw nothing within him that said he was a time bomb waiting to go off. But like I recently found out you never know what’s inside a person. My uncle is overwhelmed and my aunt is trying to raise money for his bail. A bail that seems to show just a bit of racism to me but that’s another blog. Why he’s the only one being blamed when there was more people is also for another blog.

 

Can You Erase Race?

Today the Tyra Banks Show was about Racism and featured a black women who hated other black women, a black women who married a korean man so they can have kids with “good hair” and a asian girl who had eye surgery. All these women had some issue with their race and looked for a way to “erase” some of the ethnic features that place them within a certain ethic community. They fail to understand that race goes beyond the external but that’s a blog topic for another time.

As I listened to them I felt so sad cause on one hand all their concerns sorta made sense. They had real painful concerns and experiences that made them feel what their feeling. I’m going to get into trouble for saying this but I think black women have the most pressure put on them. Whether it’s from other black folks or non-black folks someone is always trying to make black women feel unworthy. It’s happened to me at some points in my life and I really didn’t understand it. The color of my skin should not be a indicator of how I should be treated. I shouldn’t have to change something drastic about myself to be treated like an equal.

Honestly, I can’t really relate to wanting to look different or hating some feature of myself enough to either surgical or genetically alter it. I love my funny shaped nose, my thick full lips, my curvy body and my wild kinky hair. Don’t let me get started on the very nice shade of silky coco brown I was born in.

I have to share that I come from a family of conceited women. Growing up all the women in my family knew their worth and made sure everyone else knew it also. Not to say that the women in my family don’t have issues but low self esteem isn’t one. I’m quick to let it be known there’s no one else like me. But it’s so true, there’s only one of me in all my uniqueness!

As for being a black women, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I may have mixed heritage but I identify with the black women and her struggles. When I look in the mirror I see a black women smiling back and did I mention how much I love her? No other race of women can do what we do with such style and dignity. So my sisters know your worth and put the erasers down. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go deal with the angry emails from my latin, asian, white and mixed girlfriends….

Moving Past “The Past”

Today I went to visit my Aunt on my mom’s family side. Visiting anyone in my family is an event within it’s self cause I don’t keep in contact with my family. The running joke is I’m the weird one but my running joke for them is I’m the sane one. Every time I have to deal with them I’m reminded how precious sanity and peace of mind really is.

Like the rest of my family, my aunt and I don’t get along cause I have issues with people trying to control me. Anyone who knows me knows I’m the only one allowed to control me. So years ago we parted ways and the check in moments have been very brief on my part. Yet, it’s been a few years so I was due. One thing I hate about my family is their need to re-hash the past. They can talk about something that happened 20 years ago over and over and over and over. Now since I can barely remember what happened last week I can’t do the total recall of the last 20 years hurt, pain and sorrow. Truly I have no interest in digging up negative energies anyway since I like to keep my mind focus, clear and present. No way can I keep giving myself undue importance to the right to suffer and damn sure not over things that happened back 20 years to present.

Anyway, I’m there and my aunts digging for bones starts. I kindly sit quietly and listen for a few minutes since my aunt is a bit elderly and lonely. But after about 1 hour of her re-hashing past anger and pain within the family I begin to get a bit antsy. I have to point out her need to always feel she has to take on the responsibility for the family. This need to be the great figure within the family is one of her greatest down falls cause when people take the gifts she willing offered then she gets mad and says people are using her. Of course she gets defensive…her reply to my point? Since she’s the eldest for this family that is all she knows how to do.

Is it I wonder or is it all she wants to do? Now, I’m the eldest for my generation in this family but damn if I’m going to take on everyone responsibilities. I do feel I have to somewhat deal with my mother and her problems but even that is coming to a very abrupt end very soon. Everyone has to learn to make their own way in life. Family is there to be a supportive element not an umbilical cord.

I won’t even bore you with the rest of the visit but it seems I’ll be seeing more of her cause she’s sickly and needs someone to help her for a while…since I have yet to decide whether to stay in nyc or move out of state guess where I’ll be living starting next month…pray for me

The Calamity That Is My Family

Weekends at the house are always hard cause with everyone home I get nothing done…this weekend was no different. First it started with my mom…now my mom and step dad separated about 7 years ago but keep in touch. Still my mom has some unresolved anger towards this guy for something…the family has been trying to figure it out for years…at this point I don’t even think my mom remembers…she just wants to be secretly mad. Now for thanksgiving, my mom is working so I wanted to visit Maryland to hang out with my little bro & sis and step dad…say it with me road trip, road trip…BUT my mom hinted that I’m being disloyal by spending it with my step dad, his new gf and daughter…damn! Now my argument is I’m thinking about the food and site seeing…my mom isn’t hearing it…so no damn trip for me…can you believe I’m going to have to spend thanksgiving alone?! Is that fair? someone save me some turkey and macaroni pie!!!

Then both my sisters (gabby and addy) were home so the jokes, wise cracks, fights and sex talk began…all three of us in this house is a funny site to see and hear…we can be so loud, outrageous and shameless…gabby has the music playing so she’s shaking her booty while addy is trying to learn how to *snicker*…here I’m trying to explain how to move the hips but since they’re americans I tell them they don’t have the wining skills…that earns me some wise cracks better not repeated in this blog. Then comes the sex topic of the night …oral sex and different sexual positions? I have to say I feel blessed that my sisters feel free to talk to me openly about sex but sometimes their so bold with the questions I have to take a deep breath. With my Dr. Ruth hat on I give my professional opinion and the night continues…well until I get on the phone with James…then it’s …who’s that…where u know him from…where he lives…etc, etc, … poor baby, sorry but that’s my family.