It’s 6am and I’m sitting here trying to decided if I should go outside today. Today we’re suppose to go to Korean church to visit and then hang out with my friend and her family. But I’m not feeling it and know I’ll have to disappoint them. They haven’t seen my son since a little after the Tol Party they gave him. But traveling to NJ via train and then van isn’t easy with a stroller. But now my son walks so I’ve been excited about going back for weeks now. But that excitement quickly vanished when the red haze descended on me.
I don’t think anyone talks about how their menstrual cycle has changed after pregnancy. It certainly hasn’t come up during any of the mommy meetups I’ve attended. Even the doctors haven’t mentioned anything. But I certainly have noticed my cycle has changed and I’m not happy about it.
When I was younger having my week off wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t stop going outside or being active. Really didn’t have to deal with mood swings, back aches or painful cramps like my female friends. But now it’s all changed. Going into my cycle now I get a bit moody, back aches, painful cramping and now…slightly down and antisocial. I just don’t want to deal with people.
I’m not pleased with these changes. Not pleased one bit. It’s bad enough I have the reminder that I’m still fertile but not taking advantage of it. That whole “want more kids but not as a single parent” issue is a blog that’s been in draft for months now since Im not ready to fully talk about it. But I am annoyed when I think of one more egg gone, one more chance lost forever. Urgh!
That’s the other thing different during the red haze. I become obsessive in a negative way. I can just sit and harp about something for hours. Yesterday I was suppose to cover 2 media events but I stuck in bed harping over…well it’s private… but I can say it certainly wasn’t worth laying around being sad & weepy about. Good thing I was over at my family’s place. My son played while I sulked.
It seems to me every month is getting worse. More aches and pains, more depressing moods. While it only last for about 1 week and a few days it wrecks havoc during that little bit of time. Next month I refuse to go thru this. I’m seeking an intervention! I can’t stop the red haze but I can make sure it doesn’t stop me from living my life.
Like this article? Subscribe to the RSS feed or for email updates!
